Week 3 of 4 – January 19th – PROMPT: To Die and become one with Nature
Keats – “Darkling I listen, for many a time, I have been half in love with easeful Death, Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme, To take into the air my quiet breath; Now more than ever seems it rich to die;”(Ode To A Nightingale)
For my WIP (work in progress) – Mighty Men
David’s adultery with Uriah's wife Bathsheba leads to a coverup and Uriah's murder.
EXT. CAMP AGAINST RABBAH - SAME NIGHT
Uriah is lying against a rock In the field. Ahimelech comes
to him calling out. AHIMELECH
Ok. Ok. Ok… Uriah!
URIAH
What? What, What? AHIMELECH
Uriah, clouds are appearing. Wemust be careful tomorrow.
URIAH
Ahimelech, surely you did notinterrupt my rest for that.
AHIMELECH
If Tarhunt has a cause, we mustalways be cautious.
URIAH
Do not be offended my brother, butas the God of David lives we no
longer need resort to a thousand
other gods.
AHIMELECH
I am not so ready to forsake thegods of my fathers.
(pauses)
While the king, without the ark of
his god, is in Jerusalem, I will attend
to what I know. If a storm comes
tomorrow, then you should be
careful.
URIAH
Neither the king nor the ark needsto be here for God to be with us.
AHIMELECH
With us or not, a storm bodes illfor battle. You could still be
hurt. You just don't get it Uriah.
URIAH
No need, I already have it. My ownsweet Bathsheba prays every day for
clear weather for battle. Tomorrow
will be no different.
AHIMELECH
It's not about what a wife can dofor you, but what they do to you.
You are a mighty man of battle.
Your trust must not be in a woman,
or an absent king, but in your
fellow men on the battlefield.
URIAH
Now I know why you've nevermarried.
AHIMELECH
I'm just sayin. Uriah waves him off.
URIAH
Okay, miserable one. But my onlyfear is that the so-called help of
friends may be overrated.
Uriah rolls back over to sleep, as he closes his eyes, he
hears David's words to King Saul. DAVID (O.S.)
From where do you hear men saying,David seeks your hurt?
INT. DAVID'S BEDROOM - LATER
Bathsheba stands dressed by the bedroom door, her eyes to the
floor. David is instructing his attendant regarding her. DAVID
Let no one see you get her home. The attendant and Bathsheba leave the bedroom, and David
shuts the door. FADE TO BLACK.
[Omitted Scene] David discovers that Bathsheba is with child.
INT. CHAMBER HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
David passes his attendant, who has been guarding the bed
chamber. DAVID
Get a message to Joab to send meUriah with news of the battle.
ATTENDANT
Yes Lord. INT. DAVID'S GREATROOM - DAYS LATER
Uriah comes into the room, approaching David.
DAVID
Uriah. URIAH
Yes king. DAVID
What report from Joab on theAmmonites.
URIAH
The general reports that we makesteady progress, and this should be
fully resolved shortly.
DAVID
This will be great news for thewomen here. And what of the men?
URIAH
Well king, you know there arealways those who urge a quicker
advance, but Joab and the
commanders know what is best.
DAVID
Well this is a good report Uriah.Thank you.
URIAH
My king. David leads Uriah to the door.
DAVID
Uriah, you needn't return thisnight. Go wash at your house and I
will send down meat from my table.
URIAH
Thank you, Lord. Uriah exits.
INT. DAVID'S BEDROOM - MORNING
David opens the door and inquires of Attendant standing just
outside his bedroom. DAVID
What news of Uriah? ATTENDANT
My king, he slept at your door withthe servants.
DAVID
What? ATTENDANT
He did not go home. DAVID
Fetch him. INT. DAVID'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
David is clearly still pondering another approach as there is
a knock on his door. DAVID
Okay, enter. Attendant opens the door for Uriah, who enters. Attendant
backs out, closing the door. DAVID (CONT'D)
Back from the battlefield, and youdon't go down to your house?
URIAH
The ark and the men of Israel arein tents on the battlefields. I can
not eat, drink, and spend time with
my wife. That would be wrong.
DAVID
What does that say of me? URIAH
My lord, you are the king. David has to hide his frustration.
DAVID
You are indeed a noble man Uriah.Surely you can eat, drink, and
spend time with the king. Return to
the battle tomorrow.
URIAH
As you wish. INT. DAVID'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
David and Uriah are reclined on pillows, having spent the day
eating and drinking. DAVID
You are quite capable of holdingyour drink, Uriah.
URIAH
It only appears so because I am notmoving about.
DAVID
Well, that's partly why I drink inhere. I like to avoid the looks of
displeasure from my wives.
URIAH
I dare not imagine life with wives.Thankfully I have only Bathsheba,
who is never displeased with me.
DAVID
Are you sure? When she finds outthat you were in Jerusalem and did
not come to her, she may be sore.
URIAH
No king, I am blessed that my wifeunderstands men of battle.
DAVID
Can such an understanding trulyexist?
URIAH
Certainly king. A woman married toa warrior knows that each day on
the battlefield may be his last.
DAVID
All the more reason that each dayat home is so important to her.
URIAH
Yes, but what works to get a manhome is the support of his fellows.
DAVID
And yet, you are now home, by thesupport of your king.
Uriah considers the king's point without intending to reply.
David consistently eyes him. Uriah then changes the subject. URIAH
My king. What does your ... (correcting himself)
What does God say of death?
DAVID
(in a feigned stupor)In death, we can no longer give
thanks, or know God, so we must
serve Him wholeheartedly while we
live.
URIAH
That's it? DAVID
God protects us in this life whenwe serve Him. God has kept His
people since Abraham.
URIAH
So there is no life after death?What of familiar spirits?
DAVID
God has forbade any associationwith any who even draw near to
them. He is a mighty God, and can
do what He will. I survive daily by
His hand, so I cannot distract
myself with things that are beyond
me.
URIAH
Then, I should go to my wife. Finally, David is pleased and pulls himself to his feet. He
reaches down to pull Uriah up. DAVID
Yes Uriah. Our much drinking ismaking our conversation too deep
for me.
David shoes him towards the door.
DAVID (CONT'D)
Go home sleep this off with yourwife, and I'll ... I'll ...
David tries to push Uriah out the door. Uriah pauses.
URIAH
But king. DAVID
But what? URIAH
A good life is still to do what'sright.
DAVID
Yes Uriah. Do what's right. Gohome!
David pushes Uriah out the door, and closes it.
INT. DAVID'S BEDROOM - MORNING
Attendant is aside David's bed; Uriah slightly behind him.
Attendant nudges David to wake him. ATTENDANT
King. King. David rouses slowly, then very agitated.
DAVID
What. What is it? David looks at Attendant then past him at Uriah.
ATTENDANT
King, Uriah would like ordersbefore returning to Rabbah.
David sits up on the edge of his bed and looks around.
DAVID
It's barely morning. David waves off Attendant.
DAVID (CONT'D)
Okay, okay. David turns to Uriah.
DAVID (CONT'D)
You look ridiculously refreshed forthis early hour, Uriah. How could
you have slept? Or, are you just
now straight from your wife?
URIAH
No king, I slept again with yourservants. You said ...
DAVID
I said what? Totally frustrated David rises.
DAVID (CONT'D)
I said Go Home! URIAH
You said to do what was right. Homewill be there.
David crossing over to a desk. Resigned to his final resort.
DAVID
Yes. I guess you're right. Home will be there.
David writes out a note, seals it, and hands it to Uriah.
DAVID (CONT'D)
Gives this to Joab. We must step upthe battle against Rabbah.
URIAH
Right away. The men will be glad toget this over with.
DAVID
So will I. URIAH
I didn't get to say Thank you foryesterday my king.
Uriah begins to leave the room.
DAVID
Yeah sure. Uriah leaves, David falls shaking his head back onto his bed.
EXT. CAMP AGAINST RABBAH - DAYS LATER
Uriah arrives back into the camp. He is strutting joyfully
and runs into Ahimelech on his way to Joab. URIAH
From where do you hear men saying,David seeks your hurt?
AHIMELECH
What are you talking about? URIAH
I jest. I am just glad to be back. AHIMELECH
You're nuts. You have been withyour wife. I told you that women do
strange things to you.
URIAH
No, Ahimelech. I have been with theLord. I should say, He has been
with me. Every step from Jerusalem
back into camp.
AHIMELECH
Now, you've lost me. Uriah laughs and keeps walking briskly over to here Joab is
standing near Abishai. URIAH
Back from the King, and ready toget back into the fray.
Uriah hands Joab the communique from David. Joab takes it
will scanning the clouds. JOAB
But a storm is brewing; Aren't theHittites reluctant to enter into
battle on days like this?
URIAH
You must have been talking withAhimelech. Like my king and your
people. I serve the true and living
God.
Joab is reading the note
DAVID (V.O.)
Set Uriah in the forefront of thehottest battle, and retire from
him, that he may be struck down,
and die.
JOAB
But, allow another to lead thecharge.
URIAH
My lord, the king, does honor me; Imust now honor him, by honoring his
God and now my God.
JOAB
(dryly)Very well, the strength and power
of the true God go with you.
Eliam comes into the scene.
ELIAM
And with me, general. My son hasalways proven faithful to his
family, but on the day that he
boasts faith in our God, I must be
faithful to stand alongside.
JOAB
It is not for me to dissuade you.(turning)
Uriah, you will go as 12 men to the
hill just north of the gate. There
you will lie in wait.
URIAH
Yes, Joab. JOAB
I will take a troop before the gateto draw men out from the city. When
they come out after us, you take
your men and prevent them from
closing the gate. Abishai will then
bring a force to fully breach the
gate.
EXT. GATES OF RABBAH - LATER
Men from Rabbah come rushing out unto into the field against
Joab and his men. Uriah and his men come to the gate to try to take it. Fierce
fighting ensues. However, Joab shows shallow resistance such that the men of
Rabbah appear to prevail. As Joab falls back he calls out toAbashai.
JOAB
Do not advance, the archers are onthe wall.
Abishai returns.
ABISHAI
What of Uriah and his men? JOAB
Fall back! Joab's men turn and retreat. So do those with Abishai.
As the men of Rabbah stop pursuing Joab and shout victory in
the field, Uriah and his men find themselves cut off, takingon arrows from the wall.
Uriah runs to his father-in-law, just as Eliam is struck by
an arrow. URIAH
Father, I fear we are done here. Blood gushes from Eliam's shoulder.
ELIAM
But you have performed valiantlyfor our God.
Eliam dies quickly, as another arrow strikes him. Uriah
stands an turns into an arrow meant for him. He falls to theground, rolls to his side, and speaks his final words
directly to God.
URIAH
God, I thank you for showing me.Please allow David to know while he
lives, that eternity beckons the
faithful.
Arrows continue to rain down. Many more striking each of the
twelve.
I should add here that since Uriah's friend Asahel died (last post), he spends more time in the script communicating with the other Hittite, Ahimelech. Tarhunt was the Hittite storm god and has been hinted at several times earlier in the story. Uriah has been drawing closer and closer to the God of Israel, particularly since the ark was brought back to Jerusalem early in Act II.
ReplyDeleteAlso, immortality is primarily a New Testament revelation (The Sadducees did not believe in resurrection). Some of the prophets began to prophesy eternal life ideas, but these were all after David's lifetime, and for future comprehension (i.e. after Christ). Most interesting, is that the first two hints of life after death that I found were in conversations with David. First by Abigail 'prophesying' - "the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the LORD thy God." And the other by Uriah who used the combination phrase "as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth" when telling David he would not go sleep with Bathsheba, who David had impregnated.
Abigail, David's 3rd wife is portrayed symbolically as a type of priest to David, and Uriah as his conscience. I so can't wait to have this beautiful story ready for you all to see.
I love the vivid pictures you paint. Thank you for above comment, it helped me remember what I learned years ago in Theology classes.
ReplyDeleteCharles, your comment is especially appreciated, because even though the sory is basically biblical, this post includes much more of my back-story than bible.
DeleteI totally cracked up at Uriah telling Ahimelech "now I know why you've never been married." Your dedication to the story is commendable!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lara, I expect to reword that somewhat, but I like the idea of that type of banter.
DeleteI liked how relatable the language was in the last post, but elements of this one--especially David's dialogue actually--seem too modern to me and break my image of the setting. Words like "okay" are jarring for me in a biblical setting.
ReplyDeleteOne other nit I'm going to pick is a better balance between action/description and dialogue could slow the script down nicely. Right now it seems to fly by with line after line of dialogue.
On to the elements I liked here; still great characters and I love Uriah's faith and honor. I didn't immediately figure out that David was insisting on Uriah visiting his wife to cover up the source of her pregnancy, I originally read it as him feeling guilty about sleeping with the other man's wife--which the complexity there makes the scene a lot more compelling to read.
I also like the references to Tarhunt, and the tension you portray between the old gods and the new God. Overall it seems like a really rich story with a lot of attention to detail and scripture going into it, so I'll be very interested to see what comes of it in the long term.
You've got quite a project here, and I really respect the effort you're putting into it to be true to scripture while still developing the story beyond what is spelled out in the Bible. Hope my critiques are helpful, because I really do think this is a great piece.
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DeleteThank you so much for the effort that you put into providing me feedback. I agree with all of your points without any reservations. Unfortunately, because of the timeline of the challenge what has been posted has been of only draft quality. I am pressing forward with getting all of the dialogue in place for all of the scenes (hopefully by the end of Feb) before my rewrite, resolving colloquialisms and especially the action/scene descriptions. The latter is my greatest challenge as it is the weak link in my toolbox.
DeleteDepending on your schedule, when the time comes, I would appreciate any time that you can give to a read of the full script.
I'd be honored to be a reader for your full script. Definitely take my responses with a grain of salt since I don't want to claim to be an expert and a lot of it can be subjective. My contact information is on the About page of my site.
Delete