Week 2 of 4 – January 12th – PROMPT:
Immortality comes to you, you do not go to Immortality
Shelley- “Why dost thou pass away and leave our state, This dim vast vale of tears, vacant and desolate?… No voice from sublimer world hath ever, To sage or poet these responses given – Therefore the name of God and ghosts and Heaven, Remain the records of their vain endeavour,”(Hymn To Intellectual Beauty)
For my WIP (work in progress) – Mighty Men
King Saul and his sons (including Jonathan) were killed by the Philistines.
David’s general Joab and Saul’s general Abner are meeting in Gibeon
to discuss the divided kingdom.
EXT. THE POOL OF GIBEON - YEARS LATER
Joab and Abner sit on opposite sides of the pool, as at a
peace conference.
JOAB
David reigns in Hebron over Judah.
Why do you mock the Lord by now
setting Ishbosheth over Israel?
ABNER
Should not the son of Saul be the
king over the Lord's people?
JOAB
And, it took you five years to come
to this?
ABNER
The people of Israel have not cried
out for David.
JOAB
The people were constrained by
Saul's army.
Abner eyes him suspiciously.
ABNER
It is the Lord's army. I am but His
servant.
JOAB
The people should be allowed to
serve the Lord as well as the army.
ABNER
What are you trying to say?
JOAB
As the Lord allowed Samuel to
anoint Saul, so He allowed Samuel
to anoint King David. You know this
is not true of Ishbosheth.
ABNER
King Ishbosheth.
JOAB
It should not be that brothers are
divided.
After a contemplative pause.
ABNER
And who would you suggest be
General, for we are two?
They eye one another venomously through mocked cordiality.
JOAB
Ambition is unbecoming a faithful
servant.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE END OF THE POOL - CONTINUOUS
Several of the Mighty Men (Asahel, Uriah and Eliam) are
engaged in a more relaxed conversation.
ASAHEL
Uriah, did you know how great a
battle of the Lord took place here?
URIAH
I've heard of your Lord's battles.
But maybe not the one you speak of.
ASAHEL
Eliam! Tell your son-in-law what
happened here.
ELIAM
Asahel is right. You should know
how the Lord God has protected His
people Israel.
URIAH
Father, please tell me.
ELIAM
When Israel had returned from Egypt.
ASAHEL
This was after Jericho and Ai.
ELIAM
Yes, just after Ai.
ASAHEL
The people of Gibeon were scared
and made peace with Israel.
ELIAM
Are you going to tell this? Or, am I?
ASAHEL
Go ahead Eliam. After all, your
grandson will need to be told this.
URIAH
(surprised)
Where'd that come from?
ASAHEL
That is if Uriah will ever stop
playing and actually produce a son.
Asahel playfully pushes Uriah over.
URIAH
(sorrowfully)
Maybe, one day we'll have one as
valiant as your Zebadiah.
ASAHEL
(apologetically)
It is an unfair tease. No man lives
without wanting a son.
without wanting a son.
.
URIAH
I know that you jest, my friend.
That my wife soon receives the
desire of her heart, is my prayer
desire of her heart, is my prayer
also.
ELIAM
Fret not Uriah. Our God, at this
very place, made the sun stand
still for Joshua. He can do as much
for you and Bathsheba.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE POOL OF GIBEON - CONTINUOUS
Abner sits up and smiles, leaning in.
ABNER
What say ye that today we let the
young men play?
JOAB
What are you suggesting, Abner?
ABNER
I will send out 12 valiant men of
Benjamin.
JOAB
And against your men of Israel,
(pausing for emphasis)
I will send 12 men of David.
ABNER
If both are mighty unto death then
we can agree to the equality of
their kings.
JOAB
Let them arise.
CUT TO:
EXT. JOAB'S MEN - MOMENTS LATER
Joab selects and addresses his men in preparation for the
event.
ASAHEL
Brother, I would be disappointed at
not being one of the twelve if I
did not look forward to the greater
battle to follow.
ABISHAI
Not too anxious, Asahel. These men
are our brethren.
JOAB
Abner despises Judah as much as
that twist Saul did. I believe
Benjamin would rather die than
acknowledge David as king.
ASAHEL
Well I, for one, need no persuading
to oblige them.
EXT. ON THE FIELD - MOMENTS LATER
The twenty-four men face off, looking to Abner and Joab.
Both generals drop their swords and the men engage.
The fighting is ridiculously short, as within moments
there are twenty-four men writhing into death on the field.
EXT. JOAB'S MEN - MOMENTS LATER
Glaring at the futility of the recent exercise Joab thrusts
his sword upward and shouts to his men.
JOAB
Men of David, Arise!
The men of Benjamin and David's men rush onto the field.
Battle ensues.
EXT. ON THE FIELD - LATER
Many dead about the field. It is evident that the men of
Benjamin have suffered the most, and they are now in flight.
EXT. VALLEY AT HELKATH-HAZZURIM - MOMENTS LATER
Asahel, with an enthusiastic gait, drops into a ravine behind
Abner and pursues him.
ASAHEL
Old man, did you wake up today
thinking that you would be running
into eternity?
Abner turns to look over his shoulder, behind himself.
ABNER
Is that Asahel?
ASAHEL
Unfortunately for you, yes.
Abner runs ahead alternating left and right, up and down
the banks of the ravine, but Asahel follows hard after him.
ABNER
Turn aside Asahel. Go after one of
the young men and take his armor.
ASAHEL
A young man would not suit my
station, General.
ABNER
Tis a vain pursuit Asahel. You
acknowledge my own station. Yet,
meddle to your own hurt.
ASAHEL
Vanity is a mortal affliction. But
glory is the seed of immortality.
Shun the ignominy of your retreat
and valiantly face your dispatch.
ABNER
Your death can only invite enmity
between me and your brothers. I
pray you desist.
Asahel closes on Abner and raises his sword.
ASAHEL
I have you now old man, it is too
late for prayer.
Unable to put distance between them, Abner adjusts his spear
and strikes backward at Asahel. He catches him under the rib,
with the spear piercing all of the way through Asahel's body.
Asahel's sword falls behind him, and he slumps into a heap,
dragging Abner backward. Abner rises slowly away from him,
shaking his head.
shaking his head.
ABNER
To wreak folly from ambition is
such a misdirection of spirit.
Abner withdraws his spear and runs off.
EXT. SPOT OF ASAHEL'S DEATH - MOMENTS LATER
Several of David's men come to the spot, and stop.
The Hittites, Ahimelech and Uriah come running upon them.
URIAH
Among all the men that die, there
is none so mighty as a friend.
Joab and Abishai are coming upon the spot.
Joab overhears Ahimelech talking to Uriah.
AHIMELECH
Do you think that Asahel knew his
God, personally, like our Lord
David?
JOAB
(gruffly)
He does now.
Having paused in reverence for their brother, Joab and
Abishai run on after Abner. The others follow.
FADE TO:
EXT. THE HILL OF AMMAH - LATER
The sun is setting as Joab and Abishai come to the crest of
the hill of Ammah, they look across to a facing hill.
EXT. AN OPPOSITE HILL - CONTINUOUS
Abner stands surrounded by the men of Benjamin. Seeing Joab
and Abishai on the opposite hill, he calls out to them.
ABNER
Shall the sword devour for ever?
Only bitterness can result.
INTERCUT JOAB/ABNER
JOAB
The sword does not swing itself.
Nor, does the devourer halt the
avenger.
ABNER
How long will it be before you halt
your men from chasing after their
brothers?
JOAB
As our God lives, if you had not
stopped and called out, the men of
David would have pursued and
overtaken Benjamin by morning.
ABNER
As you have said, General, our
brethren should not be divided
JOAB
We will attend to the living after
honoring our dead.
Joab turns about and blows a trumpet. All the people stop
where they are and turn back to the men left on the field.
JOAB (CONT'D)
(disgusted)
And now he mocks and calls me
General. Such a dog of a fox.
FADE TO BLACK.
1,267 words
This story could really be called Mighty Women. But, the scenes related to the challenge don't involve the women. However, I look forward to the day when the entire script is complete. Thanks to this challenge, I am very much on my way.
ReplyDeleteThat is a very intricate piece of work! It's great how the challenge has been a starting point for so much work, mine included!
ReplyDeleteThanks Lara,
DeleteI have been fortunate to use the immortality theme to focus my entire view of the script. ere are many scenes that will not appear here, but wow on the theme.
Absolutely loved the scenes at the Pool of Gibeon, two very different conversations going on at that pool and I actually like how you treated them as different scenes (though I admit ignorance as to the size of the pool, maybe they really would be totally separate scenes by any analysis).
ReplyDeleteI will mention though that you had a lot of scene changes between the Hill of Ammah and the Opposite Hill at the end. You might consider tiding that up with an INTERCUT. Found a quick link for script formatting if you're not sure what I mean http://www.films.com.br/direct.htm
And my understanding is you close it with END INTERCUT on its own line after you're done cutting back and forth.
I felt like I had a much better idea what was going on this time and I like how you're handling the characters. They feel appropriately biblical for lack of a better term, but I can still understand and relate to the dialogue--it feels natural for the most part.
David,
DeleteI am so new that nwbie is unintelligible to me. Thanks for the link and the INTERCUT tip. I have now all of the sequences for the script in place. I am working my way through the scenes perpetually cross-checking scripture (lest I call down fire from heaven, on my blaspheming butt). I am trying to interject plausible back-stories that do not contradict sripture, and simply retell the bible story. I am definitely up to the challenge, but it's serious hard work.